Heirs of Righteousness

The story of Noah is one most of us are familiar with, whether you're a Christ follower or not.  And there are many lessons to glean from his life, but one has really stood out to me lately and struck something deep inside.  Perhaps it is because it is the very thing the Lord has been impressing so heavily on my own heart.  Or maybe it is because it is a message that we all need to take seriously.  It is something I believe we need to really chew on, deeply consider.

Often when looking at the story of Noah, it's remarked that in the many, many years it took for him to construct the ark that no one was converted and believed on the Lord.  Which, if you're familiar with the story, you know God brings about the great flood and Noah and his family along with two of each animal are the only ones spared (Genesis 6 and 7).  This can be a depressing statistic, and let's be honest, we are a culture driven by numbers.  We are constantly reporting and keeping data, monitoring progress.  It can feel suffocating at times, especially when we work and work and work and do not feel as though we have made much progress.  This is even true in church culture.  But there are some things I feel are immeasurable, invaluable, perhaps the most important.  And we will miss this if we aren't careful.  We will only see the forest, not the trees.

Noah was a righteous man, blameless in his time; Noah walked with God. 

-Genesis 6:9 (emphasis mine)

Noah walked with God.  He did not just claim God in his life, but he chose to walk with Him daily. This was something his family saw played out in his life.  And guess who was saved?  His family.

By faith Noah, being warned by God about things not yet seen, in reverence prepared an ark for the salvation of his household, by which he condemned the world, and became an heir of the righteousness which is according to faith.  

-Hebrews 11:7 (emphasis mine)

The most important thing we can do is witness to our family, not just by giving them the Gospel, but by living it out before them and letting them see that it is a reality in your life.

"Whether you are a preacher or not, if you have a family, that is your congregation." 

-Dr. J. Vernon McGee

Distraction and pride are two major tools the enemy of our souls loves to use against us.  He loves to keep us busy, many times with good things in and of themselves, but they leave us for little time with the people the Lord has entrusted to our care.  

"If the devil cannot make us bad, he will make us busy."

-Corrie ten Boom

Pride can also easily manifest itself as acts of service, but when we get down to the heart of the matter, which is our own hearts, sometimes we find ourselves compelled to do things out of selfish reasons such as recognition, praise, and achieving victory.  And all of this takes away from pouring our lives into the people we have been given as family.

Let us not miss the importance of the time we have to give and the value we place on our families.  May we be people who are mindful to walk with the Lord as Noah did so that we, along with those we love, may become heirs of righteousness according to faith.  

Encourage

As the Saturday morning sunlight spilled through our foyer, the yellow lilies adorning the entry table (which was my grandmother’s old sewing machine) glowed with a vibrancy so bright.  It immediately lifted my spirits.

These flowers were delivered the night before along with an unexpected, greatly appreciated hot meal from a friend and neighbor who knew my heart had been heavy and spirit bruised from the past few weeks.  Life is not always kind, is it?  Grief, heartache, and pain always seeks us out.  It can come from family, friends, work, or even our own selves.  I am sometimes my own worst enemy.  I had had my share of pain and disappointments recently and was wallowing in my own self pity.  My friend noticed and asked God how she might encourage me.

Encourage.

“Encouragement is infusing hope or courage into another’s life.” -Kelly D. King
 

That’s what I want to do.  I want to encourage. I want infuse hope and courage to someone other than myself.

This world is already hard enough.  I don’t want to make it any harder on someone as I try to prove a point, work an agenda, boost my own pride.  I want to be like my friend.  I want to seek to encourage someone the best that I can.  My friend’s selfless act of kindness moved me in ways that gave me hope.  I knew God had heard and answered prayers I’d been saying over the past couple of weeks.  He sent her at the exact right moment.  Her gesture gave me strength to keep pushing when I felt like I was burnt out.  I could lift my head back up as I heard God whisper, “Look up, child.”

You see, not one of us is perfect.  No, not one.  Yet we walk around constantly comparing ourselves against others in hopes to boost our own confidence.  And this is where we have gotten it all wrong.  If you want to make a difference, encourage someone.

As I told my friend how much she had blessed me, she reiterated to me that she was the one who was blessed.

By encouraging others you will help yourself.  Your focus will not be solely on you and your circumstances, but rather choosing to see someone other than you.  It is an act of humility and service that will leave you blessed.

Setting our minds on encouraging others focuses our thoughts on seeing the best in people.  My friend could have looked at me and assumed I was ridiculous or needed to get over my disappointments.  She could have wanted to shame and guilt me as others had done in the past few weeks.  Instead, she chose to see the best.  She chose to see a woman who was struggling and thought how she might be an instrument to improve and encourage my life.  She looked for the best and prayed that it might be brought out in me.

Encouragement is Biblical.  It is foundational.  You can never pour into someone’s life unless there is encouragement first.  Otherwise your words and actions will fall on deaf ears or cause division.  Encouragement unites.  Don’t you think we could all use some unity?

There are so many wonderful examples of encouragement all throughout scripture, but perhaps the one that is most relevant to unity (especially of the church) comes out of 1 Thessalonians 5.  The Apostle Paul is writing here to the church at Thessalonica.  Paul had been on a missionary journey there, but had to leave abruptly and the church was struggling under persecution with little support.  To help, Paul sent Timothy to encourage believers there, to prod them forward to continue and be strong in the midst of persecution.  What a lesson for us!

Encourage.  That’s what I want to do.  I want to encourage. I want infuse hope and courage to someone other than myself.  What about you?  Will you join me in being an encourager?  How might you and I be used as a catalyst to encourage someone today or in the days, weeks, and months to come?

Think on this, pray on this, and let’s act on this.

Scars

I met the sweetest young lady in the checkout line at a local store the other day.  She welcomed me through her line with, "Hey honey, how ya doin' today?"  As we chatted briefly while she rang up my purchases,  I noticed her tattoos on her arms.  Now, this may be odd to some, but I love to ask people what their tattoos represent.  I have found that there are usually pretty cool stories behind them.

As I chatted with her about her ink, she pointed to the one on her bicep, which was mostly covered up by her shirt, and said, "Well, I designed this one myself.  It says, 'Life is a beautiful struggle.'"  I thoughtfully considered that message and shook my head in agreement as I responded, "Amen, love.  I know that's true."  She then went on to tell me how she's overcome cancer and struggles daily with an incurable disease. 

I'd say that she knows life is a struggle.  But it was her wording of a beautiful struggle that I could not get out of my head.  It's been swimming in there ever since. She was a beautiful representation of realness and rawness that I believe we all crave in other human beings.  And her acknowledgment of struggles being beautiful completely resonated with me.

I've been studying the book of Job for several months now and one of the lessons I am gleaning is that life is filled with trials and struggles.  But they are beautiful in a Holy kind of way.  And we need to acknowledge them.  There is beauty in the breakdown.  Facades fade, glitz and glamour are gone, only realness and rawness remain because when you are facing a struggle, you don't have time or energy to care about the image of perfection anymore. 

And this is exactly when Jesus shines brightest in us.  Humility becomes beauty.  Through the cracks of our brokenness, His Holy light shines through, penetrating the darkness that threatens to scar us more.  He bends to pick up His children who have fallen, bruised and skinned up.  He dusts them off and puts them back on solid ground.  And then He tells us to proudly display our scars.  They were not all for naught (2 Corinthians 1:3-7). 

The Cross points us to the beauty of scars; to the truth that life is a beautiful struggle.  But it's all worth it.  The scarring of his hands and feet are proof that you are worth it.

The Perspective

Several weeks ago, I laid my son down for his morning nap and went to turn on his video monitor.  As the monitor powered on, the picture on the screen was so dark that I could not even make out his image.  I was a little irritated because what's the point of a video monitor if I can't even see the video, right?!  How am I supposed to make sure he's breathing if I can't even see him?

I started thinking about possible causes for the picture to be so dark.  Was his room too light?  No, his room was as dark as could be without any lights on, his blinds shut, and blackout curtains pulled closed to keep out extra light.  That wasn't it.  Then it occurred to me...maybe if I changed the perspective of the camera, I could see the imagine on the monitor.  So, I quietly crept into his room and shifted the camera from one corner of his crib to the other.  When I came back out and looked at the monitor, lo and behold, I could see the image perfectly clear.

Don't worry, it's not really 76 in his room.  The temperature gauge has never worked correctly.

Problem solved!  Now I could keep an eye on him and go about my business.  But as I went about my morning chores, a simple thought occurred to me.  Perspective is everything.

Nothing about the situation of my son's video monitor had changed other than the perspective of the camera.  His blinds remained closed in the same way they were before, I hadn't touched his curtains, I didn't turn off any lights.  Literally the only thing I had done differently was move the camera so that the image would be seen from a different direction.

This is Jesus in the mundane and ordinary of everyday life.  It's a moment when Heavens whispers that He's not far away from us at all if only we'd stop to see Him.  Everything that happens to us, everything that we are engaged in can be seen from one of two perspectives; the light or the dark.  And being intentional about our way of thinking is life or death to our state of mind. 

The apostle Paul tells us in Philippians 4:8 that, "Whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things." (emphasis mine)

 Training our minds to focus on the positive gives us life.  

On the flip side, if we choose to look at things through a negative lens, that brings about grief and destruction and increases anxiety and fear.  As Jesus so wisely described on the Sermon on the Mount in Matthew 6:22-23, "The eye is the lamp of the body; so then if your eye is clear, your whole body will be full of light.  But if your eye is bad, your whole body will be full of darkness.  If then the light that is in you is darkness, how great is the darkness!"

This means that how and what we see affects our whole being.

I am reminded that I am in charge of my own thoughts.  I cannot control what happens to me, but I can control how I respond to what happens.  I must choose to see situations through the positive perspective.  And to be honest, I stink at doing this in my own strength.  I must ask God constantly to help me see the good, help me be thankful.  Choosing otherwise leads me to darkness in my thoughts, in my heart, and then ultimately my words or actions.  I must guard my heart, for everything I do flows from it (Proverbs 4:23).

This reminder came at the perfect time for me.  And maybe you need this reminder too.  Maybe you have been consumed with negative thoughts or are facing a really difficult situation or trial in life.  Your grief overwhelms you.  You just cannot seem to catch a break.  But there is a way out.  It's through the power of your thinking.  And oh, is it ever powerful.  The Lord gave us a brain for a reason.  Let us use it to shine light in our own lives which will then overflow into others.

Perspective is everything.  It's through how we choose to see that affects our thoughts, words, and actions. Ask God for help every step of the way.  Let us remember that a shift in perspective can suddenly bring everything to light.  And let us choose to see situations that way instead of focusing on the negative and dark way of thinking.  Light gives life. 

Run Through Sprinklers

There are sobering moments in life when everything shifts into its proper perspective.  It's easy to get caught up in our everyday hustle and bustle, our self centered-ness, our "woe is me" mentality when in reality, life is pretty sweet.  We feel lonely, depressed, hopeless.  And I am learning that often times it is self inflicted. We can't see past the end of our own noses.  The enemy puts blinders on us, distracting us from seeing all that's good and important and wholesome.  And the result?  A life that never meets its full potential.

I am seeing more and more how life is a vapor, a quick moment in time.  It's a precious gift that can be gone in an instant.  Our local community was rocked with a terrible fatal accident yesterday that claimed the lives of two innocent, precious, beautiful girls; one seven, one seventeen.  It makes you stop and think...that could have been me and my family. 

So what is one to do?  Do you go about like nothing ever happened?  You could.  Do you live in fear?  You could do that too, (But take it from someone who has learned from experience; it is crippling.)  Or you could decide right here and right now to really start living; to make your days count.

Run through the sprinklers.

Bury the hatchet.

Read one more story before bedtime.

Hug your mom and dad.

Spend quality time with your family.

Put the cell phone down.

Look to Jesus.  He is the Way, the Truth, the Life.

Do something kind for your spouse.

Make everyday truly count.

Realize that the small things are actually the big things.

Focus on what is true, what is lovely, what is good.

 

Our days are limited.  Let's not spend them wasting precious time on ideals that don't really matter in the end.  Sometimes we need a reality check to remember what is truly important.

Tearing Down Strongholds

It's hard to live this and it's even harder to write this.  Oh how my soul has been in despair for months now.  As I have been preparing to share this part of my story, the enemy continues to whisper in my mind that I'll be judged, I'll be ridiculed, people will think less of me.  Oh well, here it goes anyways.  I'm not letting him continue to have this power over me.

We recently had a health scare with our daughter that brought all of this to a head.  Praise God everything seems to be fine, but it was a scary week with so many uncertainties, questions, and thoughts running wild.  It gave us a small, small glimpse into the lives of parents of children fighting terrible illnesses.  My prayer life in this area will be forever changed.

On our way home from the hospital yesterday, Jared and I began to talk about what God showed us through all of this.  I feel like I could write a book on the many lessons I learned in a short amount of time, but one glaring theme that I've had to address in my own life is spiritual strongholds that I have let the devil have on me for far too long.  This is a message that's not only hard to write, but hard to receive too.  Lord, let their hearts be softened.

My struggle with anxiety began when I was 14 years old.  I can take you to the exact moment.  It was like a switch flipped in my brain.  Since then, I've worked through managing and learning how to deal with it without medication.  But many people are not as fortunate.  And since knowing Christ, He has helped me overcome many obstacles.  It's a silent "disease", if you will.  A person can look completely normal and content on the outside, but inside is a different story.  And I almost feel as if anxiety is so flippantly used today because the feeling of anxiousness is so widespread and felt by so many people.  So let me be clear.  I'm talking about anxiety in the sense that it is crippling and paralyzing to the point where it affects your everyday life; not just a case of the butterflies from nervousness.  You can't leave your house some days because of this anxiety.  Your relationships suffer because some people do not understand.  This is real and it's a stronghold that I have let control my life for far too long.

God's Word tells us in James 1:17 that, "Every good and perfect gift is from above..."  If something is not good and perfect, frankly it is not of God.  And as a believer, that points me to who it is from - the devil.  That may sound like crazy talk, but it's true.  The devil is real and he is alive.  He seeks to kill, steal, and destroy (John 10:10).  He wants to kill my confidence in Christ.  He wants to steal my joy with my family.  He wants to destroy my testimony, my character, my relationships, fill in the blank. He has bound me in chains through the word "anxiety" so much so that he had convinced me that all of my fears would become a reality if I even so much as voiced them.  Do you know how crippling this is?  I couldn't even talk about worries I had because I was afraid if I even spoke the words, it would happen.  I know that sounds crazy, but I also know I am not alone in feeling this way.  That is why I feel so compelled to share.

The ways in which I've found the enemy to work in my life are through fear, isolation, and my introverted nature.  I buy into his lies that he feeds me, which then makes me fearful.  I'm already isolated as a mom of an infant and a toddler because I simply cannot go and do whatever I want whenever I want.  And because I'm a natural introvert, I will sometimes hole up and stay that way.

But...GOD.  He is greater and He is stronger than any of this.  And this week took me to my knees in ways I could never put into words.  And through this, I learned a few ways to break these strongholds.

1.  PRAYER.  I battled in prayer.  The more I talked to people, the more anxious I became.  Why did the doctor have that frown on her face?  Why didn't he say everything would be okay?  Even with the best of intentions, most people in their reassurance made my anxiety worse.  And it's not their fault, they were only trying to help.  The only one I could talk to and feel a sense of calm from was God.  When I spoke to Him, I knew He was listening.  I knew He was working. 
 
Also, the prayers of His people are more valuable than gold.  When someone asks you to pray, it is not because they do not trust God.  It is because these battles are won in prayer and prayer is a lifeline to God.  There are spiritual battles all around us.  Read 2 Kings chapter 6 to get a glimpse. 

 

2.  MEMORIZING SCRIPTURE.  His word came alive to me in ways I have not experienced before.  I have not done an excellent job in memorizing scripture.  I am much better than I was, but I still have a long way to go.  I cannot tell you how powerful it was to be talking to God and reciting His word back to Him saying, Lord, you told me in Philippians that Your peace would guard my heart and my mind (Phil 4:7).  I need that right now, Lord.  Thank You for bending to hear my prayers.  Because of that, I will pray as long as I have breath (Psalm 116:2)!  You've told me satan is a liar (John 8:44).  He wants to kill, to steal, and to destroy (John 10:10).  But You have overcome that!  He bruised your heel, but you crushed his head (Genesis 3:15).  The power I felt in these prayers was like the force of a bulldozer uprooting a tree.  I could feel the chains breaking.  Memorizing scripture is now something I will be diligently working toward.

3.  SPEAK OUT FEARS.  This was the hardest for me to learn.  Even through the power of prayer and calling out God's word, I still felt choked down by fear that if I even voiced my thoughts raging in my mind they would somehow come true.  But as I began to realize I was buying right into satan's snares, I opened up and spilled it all out to my husband.  I could almost hear the chains breaking then.  All of these worries I've been keeping bottled up inside me for months came pouring out.  I could breathe!  I could talk!  Someone would listen and not judge me, not ridicule me, not make me feel stupid.  Why had it taken me so long to figure this out?

The answer was strongholds.  I had let satan plant seeds of doubt in my mind that grew into fears and sprouted lies.  And the more I kept silent, the more I watered his poisonous plant to the point that its roots became chains on my life.

But...GOD.  He is greater and He is stronger than any of this.  My chains are gone, I've been set free.  My God, my Savior has ransomed me.  And like a flood, His mercy rains.  Unending love, amazing grace.

I pray that any strongholds you have in your life will be uprooted, sawed in half.  It may not happen overnight, but God is faithful.  He is strong.  He is true.  Trust Him, lean on Him, learn from Him.  He will direct all of your paths and fill your heart with joy.  Even in the midst of struggles you can say, it is well with my soul.

 

It's Time for a Wardrobe Transformation

I need a wardrobe overhaul.  It's not because I'm 9 months pregnant and my selection of suitable options is quickly dwindling.  It's not because the clothes I have hanging in my closet are out of style or becoming too worn.  No, those are much more surface issues.  I need a wardrobe transformation because I have been clothing myself with pride.  It's time to take that off and clothe myself with humility.

I have been praying for some specific things and people in my life and the Lord has constantly laid the word pride before me.  Not something I wanted to hear.

Pride is a funny thing.  It rears its ugly head in the most cunning and devious of ways in my life.  It never comes out and flaunts itself as being proud or having high self esteem.  Instead, my pride manifests itself most often in the form of anxiety and insecurity or wanting someone else to feel the freedom that I have experienced since meeting Jesus, which can then cause me to be critical.

Wait, those are characteristics of pride?  Yes, they are.  They show a lack of trust and faith in the One who made me.  They show me focusing more on others than on myself and my own heart.  As I've been praying through this over the last month, the Lord has continued to place people, obstacles, sermons, and scriptures before me that reiterate the fact that this is definitely a problem I need to deal with.

This morning I listened to an excellent podcast that was divinely placed in my path, no doubt.  The title was "Pride & Humility".  Well, that caught my attention.  It's not like I hadn't been praying for that specific thing for the last month.

The Pastor began by asking these questions:

Are you anxious?

Are you critical of others?

Are you defensive when someone points out something wrong?

Do you constantly seek others' approval?

Are you insecure?

Do you take advantage of God's grace?

Do you feel shame or think your sin or brokenness is bigger than God's grace?

Do you believe that you're worthless or unforgivable?

Does a particular sin define you more than God's claims on your life?

(Questions taken directly from The Porch Podcast on Pride and Humility)

I answered yes to more of those questions than I'd like to admit.  Maybe you did too. 

Every single one of those questions points to PRIDE.

Here's what the Lord laid on my heart to share with you as He brought me peace and revelation about this topic that has been plagued me:

1. Pride (and all that goes with it) is the devil's playground.  

Again, for me, pride certainly manifests itself as anxiety.  Anxiety is something I've struggled with my whole life, or at least as long as I can remember.  My panic attacks started when I was thirteen and I found myself frozen in fear, heart racing, hands tingling, unable to swallow or breathe. I have learned to cope with it through the years, especially since coming to know Jesus, but it doesn't go away.  It's a daily battle.  And I had never seen it as a pride issue. 

It's pride because it is the doubt of God or not believing what He says to be true; not believing that He really will provide, protect, heal, defend, etc.  Satan knows this and he feasts on where I doubt God.  As long as I keep feeding him with my worries, doubts, fears, and problems by talking about it with other people or letting it distract me from how I'm called to act as a Christ follower, the vicious cycle continues because the appetite increases.

I remember when we were struggling with infertility all I saw were pregnant women.  They were EVERYWHERE.  They were in the grocery store, on the billboards I passed daily, on my Facebook newsfeed, in my Sunday school class.  And instead of praying against it, I fed it.  I continued to check for pregnancy announcements, I looked for the pregnant ladies in the store, I even dreamed of maternity clothes and how I would put together outfits.  All this did was increase my doubts and fears.  I learned Google was not always my friend and sometimes you just need to shut the social media down.  Maybe you can relate to this because you're in the same boat, or you're single and long to find your person, or you don't think you'll ever make enough money, or you don't think you'll ever accomplish your goals.  Or-or-or-Fill in the blank.  We all have vices.  But when I stopped feeding into those vices, they began to disappear.  And when they'd try to resurface, I could shut them down a lot faster.

2.  Recovery starts with humility.

We have to get to the end of ourselves.  A.W. Tozer said, "The reason why so many are still troubled, still seeking, still making little forward progress is because they haven't yet come to the end of themselves.  We're still trying to give orders, and interfering with God's work within us."

We have to get to the point of realizing we need help.  Ask for it.  God helps the humble.  His Word tells us over and over again that He loves a humble heart, He will exalt the humble.  Start doing all the things you say you are going to do.  Feed on sermons, educate yourself on God's Word, talk to Him.  He will meet you there in your humility and the recovery will begin.

You see, pride and humility are polar opposites.  One cannot exist where the other one is.  I want to rid my life of the pride that steals my joy and makes me focus on the negative.  I want to be humble in my heart and spirit.  The only way I can do this is through Jesus. Humility is a beautiful thing and if we're honest, we all love a humble person.

The self awareness that is now right in front of me is definitely humbling and I pray some part of this post will resonate with you too.  It's not easy to admit our downfalls, but thank God it's not my defeat.  The Lord will lift me back up from where I've fallen.  And I will choose to wear the garments of humility.

Long Suffering

I'm sure this title jumped right off the page at you and you just couldn't wait to read such an encouraging post, right?  You might be in for a surprise.  Today I was reminded how beautiful long suffering can truly be.  I needed this encouragement and I pray maybe it will fill you with the same hope it did for me.

Long suffering means to show abundant patience in spite of troubles.  Other familiar words we use instead of long suffering are patient, tolerant, forbearing, perseverance, but to me, long suffering gets the point across in a much more descriptive way.  Don't you think?

The past two months have been rough for a number of reasons.  I am sleep deprived, I've suffered the loss of my grandpa, we're working through temper tantrums, I am trying not to lose heart and patience with certain people, I am working on getting over having my feelings hurt, blah blah blah.  Cry me a river, right?  But I'm sure you can relate.  I don't mean to be Negative Nancy, but let's be real...sometimes things are just tough.

Today my darling daughter was refusing her nap (which has been a common theme these last couple of months thanks to sleep regression, moving rooms, sickness, and now no more pacifier), and I was about to snap.  She was beyond exhausted and so was I. I had been trying to get my usually perfect sleeper to nap for an hour and a half.  We had things to do today and this nap NEEDED to happen.  She was in her room whining, jumping in her bed, evicting her stuffed animals one by one in a desperate attempt for me to return to her room once more and place them back in her bed, and I could feel my blood pressure rising.  I've been trying to be very intentional and look for God in the daily chores of everyday life, so as I started making my bed, I began praying and having a really honest conversation with Him.  It went a little something like this:

Lord, I am TRYING to find You in the mundane and everyday and make this time holy, but I'll be honest...I'm having a REALLY difficult time.  How are You in this?!  I can't focus over the whining, I don't know what else to do - we've read numerous books, we've rocked, we've sang songs, I've tried ignoring her, nothing is working.  What the heck is her deal?  Why can't she lay down and go to sleep?  That is what's best for her.  I know that and you know that so why can't You help me out here?!

Have you ever had a conversation like that with God?  If you haven't, I encourage you to do it because He already knows your thoughts.  Be honest and be real with Him.  He'll always do the same for you.

When I was finished talking and ready to listen, there in the midst of my pity party the word long suffering came to me.  Humm...I hadn't expected that.  It took me by surprise when God spoke right to my core and reminded me about the beauty of His long suffering for me.  

 

How often had I pitched a little fit, cried, whined, all to get my way.  And He sat there patiently loving me while I carried on like a little toddler.  He didn't get angry and raise His voice.  But He also didn't come swoop me up and save the day immediately.  You know why?  He ultimately knew what was best for me...just like I did with my daughter this morning.  I knew she needed rest; that's why I continued to hope that she would settle down and fall asleep.

But God's long suffering for me has much more depth to it than a missed morning nap.  His long suffering for me and for you is life saving.  His Word in 2 Peter 3:9 says, "The Lord is not slow about His promise, as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing for any to perish but for all to come to repentance."  His long suffering gives us eternal life, if we choose it.  From this, I want to lift out several truths that were laid on my heart during my little moment of revelation:

1.  God is in the everyday and the mundane.  He cares about us right where we are.  And He wants to meet us there.  He was there with me this morning while I was making my bed and doing my own fussing and whining.  He was there all of those years when I continued to run from him and try to ignore the tug in my heart to turn to Him.  He was there when I thought my world was falling apart.  He was there when I went on that first date with my husband.  He was there during my agonizing years of infertility.  He was there in my daughter's first cry.  He was and He is always there.  He loves you and me so much; more than we can comprehend.

2.  Prayer is powerful.  I know we hear that and we often times even say it, but do we believe it?  As Shaun Pillay, our Minister of Evangelism & Discipleship, said yesterday morning, "Prayer engages the Lord of the universe!  It does not equip us for the greater work, it IS the greater work."  Now I am far-far-far from righteous, only by Christ alone, but this was actually a moment when I was engaging the Lord in prayer instead of calling my mom or husband to complain.  And you know what?  He answered!  Had I not been praying in that moment of frustration, I would not have heard His voice and felt this message in my heart.  This is such an encouragement to me because often times I fall short.  I feel like God gives us these moments to reaffirm His truths and encourage us along this journey of life.  

3.  I should count it a privilege to experience long suffering towards someone.  You can re-read that if you need to.  Do you know how hard that is to actually live?  I am willing to bet that you do.  I don't often see it as a privilege because most often I want to whip whoever is putting me through troubles into shape.  And this very concept is actually something I've been praying about for a long time now.  The Lord has continued to show me time and time again that the only person I can change is myself.  And the only way some people see Him is through me.  Every irritating, seemingly annoying person placed along my path is an opportunity for me to grow in some aspect and to do what Christ did and love them through it.  Like I said, this is not easy.  And I often fail, but I am thankful for this reminder and I pray I will continue to come back to this moment and gain strength to push forward when I'm feeling defeated.

 

Maybe you needed this reminder as much as I did today.  The Lord is good to hear us when we call for Him.  We just have to be sure we're ready to listen.  Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.  Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything (James 1:2-4).

Remembering How Grand He Was

Our Pastor has shared that the one title in life that actually lives up to its grandeur is the title of grandchildren - they truly are grand.  I feel the same can be said about grandparents as well.  Many of us look to grandparents for wisdom, unconditional love, and a sense of awe.  I was fortunate enough to have one like that.  I inherited his prominent jawline and his appreciation for the simpler things in life.

My grandpa was a man whose life could be turned into Nicholas Sparks' next bestseller.  It was filled with highs and lows, victories and defeats, mountains and valleys.  He was a man of strength, integrity, valor, and grit.  He met my grandma, who was a young widow raising a one year old and a two year old after losing her first husband, shortly before being shipped out for training during WWII.  He married her before he left so that she could receive all of his benefits in the event that the war claimed his life.  He was a Pharmacist Mate, 1st Class, USNR in the battle of Iwo Jima where he was one of three surviving members out of over forty corpsmen sent to the island.  From that battle, he received a Bronze Star, a Purple Heart, as well as three additional medals, but ghosts from the war haunted and plagued him most of his adult life.  Even still, he came back home and began a family with my grandma that would grow to be almost fifty people spanning four generations.

It wasn't until my grandma's death in 2004 that my grandpa and I began to develop a deep bond.  Over the last 14 years, we spent many days together talking, cooking, and just simply being in each others' presence, which I will always cherish.  He taught me more than I could ever put into words, but in light of his passing last Tuesday, I have been reflecting about the three big lessons I learned from his life.  From him I learned:

1.  If you want to change the world, go home and love your family.

I bought this sign from a friend right before grandpa went into the hospital,  Truer words could never have been spoken about his life.  The life he and my grandma created is truly a legacy with seven children, fifteen grandchildren, twenty-three great grandchildren, and two great great grandchildren. The love he and my grandma shared is evidenced by those of us left behind.  He picked fresh flowers for my grandma each day and I have no doubt he's doing that for her now in Heaven.  They were married for 60 years, but even 14 years after her passing he refused to take off his wedding ring.  The day before he died he even slapped my mom's hand at the mention of having to remove it because of swelling.  We buried him with it still on.

The power of love can change lives, move mountains, and leave a lasting impression on anyone left in its path.  When Jared and I married, grandpa told us in the receiving line to never take each other for granted, that is was over too fast.  I think maybe we should all heed that advice.

2. It's never too late.

To say my grandpa was a strong-willed man might be an understatement.  No wonder I'm so headstrong.  And as often as that strong-will could get him into trouble, it was also life saving for him.  After nearly 50 years of smoking, one day he decided it was time to quit.  It was never too late to make a change for the good.  He went over to the trash can, threw away his pack, his carton, and his lighters and never picked one up again.

 

The greatest peace I have through all of this is knowing that it's also never too late to call on Christ.  At the age of 91, I was driving my grandpa to a doctor's appointment when I asked him to tell me his salvation story.  To my surprise, he told me he didn't have one, that he had never asked Jesus to be his Savior.  We talked a good bit and he dusted the dust off of his old Bible and began reading in Romans.  I would continue to ask him over the course of the next year if he had decided to accept Jesus, but his answer was always, "No, but I'm thinkin' about it."  I never quit praying and God sent a wonderful caretaker who would continue to water the seed that had been planted.  At 92, my grandpa accepted Jesus.  It's never too late.  The peace that washes over me as I think about every burden being lifted and forgiveness flooding his soul brings tears to my eyes.

3.  God's provision is miraculous.

Even when my grandpa wasn't walking with the Lord, God's provision throughout his life is evident and encouraging.  He spared his life during the war; He used my grandpa as a tool to save many other men's lives who went on to go home and be reunited with their families, have children, and create legacies of their own.  God provided as my grandparents raised seven children and sent them off to start families of their own.  When my grandma died in 2004, God provided the opportunity for my grandpa to sell the home that they had lived in for 50 years and move to a beautiful little home next door to one of his daughters and 10 minutes down the street from us.  Hurricane Ivan hit 3 months after my grandpa moved and his previous home suffered significant water and wind damage.  God's provision.  When it became too much for my mom and her siblings to care for him alone, God sent four sweet women who would take turns sitting with him, dispensing medication, cooking, cleaning, and caring for him the best they could.  God's provision.  In his last days, his health began to decline rapidly and his children were facing the decision to put him in a nursing home, which was the last resort.  By God's provision again, He called my grandpa home.  No more pain, no more suffering, just eternal rest and glory in the presence of Jesus.

 

What a legacy.  I am thankful to have been apart of it and have my eyes opened to the goodness and rugged grace that was lived out before me.  I am a better person for having known and loved my grandpa.  And one day we'll be reunited for all eternity where we can continue to shoot the breeze and rest in each others' presence.  Until that day, I will carry him in my heart and pray that my life teaches valuable lessons to those around me who are watching and listening.  Don't take people for granted, invest your time into what matters, don't forget that it's never too late to make a change for the good, and pay attention to the Lord's goodness and provision in your life.

Finding who I AM

We've had a busy week and not much downtime at home until yesterday afternoon and this morning.  I truly love being at home with my family.  As I started cleaning house and began preparing to put out fall decorations today (all while corralling my 18 month old), I thought to myself, "Is this madness?  Should I even try?" But then I had this overwhelming sense of thanksgiving wash over me.  And I stopped, looked around, and really took it all in.

Our sweet little girl running through our home, wild curly hair bouncing all over the place, her toys strewn in every direction.  My pregnant belly getting bigger and bigger by the day, making it harder and harder to do common chores.  A plate of leftover homemade double chocolate chip cookies sitting on the counter.  My husband's coffee mug from this morning sitting down in the sink waiting to be loaded into the dishwasher along with all of the other breakfast dishes.  A pile of laundry needing to be folded and put away.  A Bible laying open instead of put away neatly on the tray where it goes.  Glass doors so full of finger prints and doggie nose art that you can hardly see out of it. And in this mess, I saw utter beauty.

 

This is what I dreamed of.  From the time I was a little girl, all I ever wanted was a family of my own and a house to make a home.  I couldn't wait until it was my time in the kitchen to cook meals for my family.  Long before Pinterest ever existed, I'd cut clippings of decorations and recipes from magazines and store them in a manilla folder.  I eventually graduated to saving pictures onto a desktop folder on my laptop in college.  (Why didn't I think of something as fantastic as Pinterest?!)  My parents' next door neighbor even bought me a Family Recipe Cookbook as a Christmas gift when I was 15 or 16 so I could start writing my favorite recipes down.  She recognized God's calling on my life far before I did.

Maybe you can relate to me.  Maybe not.  Either way, as I started out in life, fresh and green out of college at 21, I took my life in a completely different direction.  I sought to be a successful business woman, working 12 hour days, climbing my way up the corporate ladder.  That became my dream, or so I thought.  (Now hear me - there is NOTHING, absolutely nothing, wrong with this if this is your calling.  My downfall was that is was not my calling and my life had no peace.  I was never satisfied.  I always wanted more-more-more or I found that I could never do enough.)

The harder I gripped onto making this my reality, the more it slipped through my fingers.  It's like trying to squeeze a wet bar of soap.  The harder you squeeze, the more slippery it becomes and it eventually pops out of your hand.  That was my life.  I was trying to control every facet and I was failing miserably.  Where had I gone wrong?  Who was I?  I had become someone I didn't even know.

And then I met Jesus.  He never stopped pursuing me during all of my years of backsliding and living apart from Him.  And I certainly faced consequences for living my life this way, but the beautiful truth is, it wasn't until I realized who He is that I found who I am.  My identity rests in Him and Him alone.

It's easy for us to get lost in who we think we're supposed to be - moms, caregivers, entrepreneurs, health gurus, beauty gurus, teachers, wives, the list could go on and on.  We weave a tangled web and often get caught up in something we're not supposed to do or someone we're not supposed to be.  It's utterly exhausting.  And this world fuels that fire even more.  Just look at your favorite social media outlets.  If you don't have the peace of Christ at the center and forefront of your mind, you'll start to feel less than, left behind, and not good enough.  We have to be founded on His solid rock.

Here are a few things He's taught me through the years as I've learned to surrender and live out His plan for my life:

1. We are all different and that is a good thing.  We were not created to fit the same mold.  The apostle Paul tells us in Romans 12:6 that, "We have gifts that differ according to the grace given to us and each of us are to exercise them accordingly."  We are all given different gifts and they are all equally important.  This whole chapter of Romans 12 is full of amazing truths and lessons on life.  Read it when you have a moment.  Takes notes.  Put the verse that stuck out to you on a sticky note and place it on your bathroom mirror where you will read it everyday.

2.  God sees things differently than we do.  I've been studying 1 and 2 Samuel for a month or so and my favorite take away has been and still is that God does not see as man sees.  When The Lord told Samuel to go anoint the new king and God led him to David, Samuel first looked at David's brother, Eliab, and thought, "Surely the Lord's anointed is before me.  But the Lord said to Samuel, "Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him.  For the man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart." (1 Samuel 6:6-7)  Eliab might have looked more royal than David, but God wanted the boy with the ruddy complexion to sit on the throne.

3.  I am made new in Christ.  I don't have to worry or fret over the time I wasted trying to find myself.  "If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation.  The old has passed away; behold, the new has come." (2 Corinthians 5:17)  What peace this brings me.  God doesn't see my past, only my future and what He can do through me.  Amen.  I am thankful for a Savior who wipes my slate clean.

 

Get out and take that first step of faith in trusting God with your life.  He's the One who created it, so who better to let lead it?  Your changes may not be immediate (mine certainly were not), but if you keep walking with Him and seeking Him with your whole heart, He will direct your steps and lead you in His way.  His plan for your life will unfold beautifully before your eyes if only you'll get out of your own way and allow it.

I am just a girl with a messy bun because (dare I admit this to you) I haven't washed my hair in four days, a messy house, and a messy life at times.  But the Great I AM says this is exactly where and who I am supposed to be.  I will continue to let Him use my mess as a message.

Hard Love

One of my current favorite songs is "Hard Love" by NEEDTOBREATHE.  I'll link it below for you to listen to if you haven't heard it yet.



It came on the radio the other day and I immediately sent a text to a friend who's going through a really hard trial right now as an encouragement to keep going.  Push through.  Persevere.  And she's not alone.  I know so many folks in the same boat as her, maybe not going through the same thing, but people all around me living with hard truths, diagnoses, circumstances, you name it. 

Why do we face such difficult and trying times?  I don't know, but I do know a truth that I hope encourages you today.  This is something I learned while going through dark times in my own life; times where I felt so suffocated by my circumstances that I couldn't see the light.  These were days when I thought morning may never come.

I'm studying Ecclesiastes right now and a verse from yesterday's chapter just seemed to jump off the page at me.  It's from chapter 7, verse 14:

In the day of prosperity be happy,

But in the day of adversity consider -

God has made the one as well as the other.

I don't think we often see our trials as something that's as good as our blessings.  In fact, I know we don't.  The human side of us in very narrow minded.  And this is why we need a Savior.  God uses adversity and hard things in our lives to humble us, to draw us near to Him, to show us that He is the way, the truth, and the life.  It's a hard love sometimes.  And our eyes will never be opened to this truth if we don't keep them fixed on Him.

I don't pretend to have the answers, but I know the One who does.  He holds my tomorrow and He holds yours too.  It's easy to praise Him when all is sunshine and rainbows, but let's not forget to praise Him in the storm too.  He has promised He will never leave you or forsake you.  And that's a promise you can cling to in the midst of whatever adversity you may face.

Weeping Forward

Weeping forward is a term I recently came across in Kelly Minter's Ruth Bible study and it struck a chord deep within.  Since then, it's a prayer I've been praying for a lot of friends as they deal with hard, hard things...divorce, suicide of a loved one, prodigals, illness, the list goes on and on.   And then this morning I got my daily alert for the The Bible App verse of the day.  It comes from Psalm 42, which is the perfect psalm for a weary soul.  The Psalmist has gone into the depths and all hope seems lost.  But then he emerges.  He writes, "Why are you in despair, O my soul?  And why have you become disturbed within me?  Hope in God for I shall yet praise Him, the help of my countenance and my God."

Weeping forward is the notion that when life seems to be crashing in around you and you feel like you're paralyzed with fear, anger, regret, or sorrow; you refuse to stop and wallow.  Yes, wallowing and having a pity party is the natural, human instinct and reaction.  But instead of succumbing to those emotions, you push forward.  You put one foot in front of the other and take it one day at a time.  And you always keep moving forward.  Always.  No matter what.  Like the mountain depicted in the picture above, sometimes it's a steep uphill climb.  But climb, dear one.

 

I know what it means to live this.  I feel like almost the whole decade of my twenties was spent weeping forward.  There was weeping over a failed relationship, not being able to find a job in my field, piling amounts of debt incurred by many different situations (some my own fault, some not), dealing with miscarriage and then infertility.  It was a trying time in my life, but I learned many important lessons through it all.  I learned what it meant to weep forward.  And through that, I saw God's providence and His deliverance.

The only way I learned how to weep forward was to surrender my life to God fully.  Grasping for control was keeping me planted right where I was.  There was never any growth because I dug my heels in and refused to surrender.  Once I was brought to my knees in full surrender, I suddenly felt the weight lifted.  Nothing about my situation had changed, but who carried the burden of my situation had shifted.  Instead of me packing it upon my own shoulders, I gave it to God.  I began to spend time with Him and learn His word.  Through that, He showed me many truths that encouraged me and kept me moving along the path He had laid before me.  He gave me enough light just for the next step.

If you're in this situation today, I want to encourage you and remind you that there is hope.  And that hope is in Him and Him alone.  You are not alone and you are loved more than you can imagine.  If when you do what is right and still suffer, patiently endure it.  This finds favor with God (1 Peter 2:20).  The patience you are gaining is ultimately strengthening your character.  Keep weeping forward, finding your strength from the Lord. One day you will be able to look back and see the beauty that was once just ashes.

I am Invited

In the summer of 2016, my MIL and I had a discussion one night about feeling left out, uninvited, and simply not thought of or remembered.  We talked about our feelings of inadequacy and rejection among various groups of people.  While I remember thinking, I'm glad I'm not the only one who has these feelings, I was overcome with a sadness that I can't even put into words.  As I listened to her hurts, I could clearly see the devil's attacks on her.  It made me want to take all of her hurt away and assure her that she WAS wanted and always invited.  If you know her, you know how beautiful and sweet she is.  Her mere presence is simply a blessing in her sweet spirit and my mind couldn't even bear to think that she'd been living all of that time believing she was anything less.  And all of a sudden, it was like the veil was lifted.  In my own feelings of inadequacy, I always thought there was something wrong with me.  I wasn't pretty enough, funny enough, didn't wear the right clothes, live in the right neighborhood, etc, for people to want to be around me.  I simply thought I just wasn't good enough. I never once saw all of these insults I hurled at myself as the devil's attacks in my own life. 

Why is it so easy to look at someone else and know exactly what their problem is and how to fix it, but when looking at ourselves, we can't see it the same way?  Please tell me I'm not alone in this.

A couple of weeks after this conversation, Lysa TerKeurst's new book, Uninvited: Living Loved When You Feel Less Than, Left Out, and Lonely, was released.  I immediately went to Lifeway and bought a copy for the both of us.  She read hers quickly but mine got shoved to the bottom of my book stack.  I wasn't currently feeling less than, left out, and lonely, so no need to read it yet.

That all changed rather quickly.  I don't even know what caused this shift in my thoughts, but I suddenly began to feel very isolated and withdrawn from everyone.  Maybe it was hormone related from recently having my daughter, maybe not.  All I know is I was heading into a dark place of feeling very lonely, left out, and less than.  From the outside looking in, I'm not sure if anyone could even tell.  I appeared to have it all together.

To cope, I began to immerse myself in God's Word and cracked open Lysa's book.  I even posted the picture above on Facebook and I had so many women respond to that post either through a comment or personal message.  Our church has already offered two Bible studies on this book and I would not be surprised if the demand is there for a third.  That many women are seeking comfort in dealing with these feelings. 

Over 600,000 copies of this book have been sold from August 2016 to March 2017 making it a #1 NY Times bestseller.  That's great and all, but that tells me that a whole lot of us women all feel the exact same way.  We all hurt and want so badly to feel loved and accepted.  How did this happen?

In my search for answers, God has been opening my eyes to the lies I believe about myself and the truths I should know about myself.  I'm only to chapter 5, so about a quarter of the way through the book, but I felt I needed to write this now and maybe readdress it again when I'm finished.  It's totally possible that I may talk about something she discusses later in the book and that's okay.  That's just  further confirmation that the Lord is leading my thoughts in the right direction.

From what I've gathered, I see three major lies that us women tend to believe about ourselves:

1. I am not loved (enough).
2. I am not good enough.
3. I am not invited because of something I did or didn't do.

We often think we are not "enough" in many circumstances whether it be in the way we look, how much we weigh, clothes we wear, foods we eat, how we raise our kids, the decorations that adorn our homes, exercises we didn't do, you get my drift.  We measure ourselves against standards that are unrealistic and unattainable.  NO ONE can be all of that all of the time. But it sure looks like it on Pinterest, Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat.  It's EXHAUSTING to try to live up to that!  We don't feel loved (or loved as much as we want to be) because we read about what our friends' significant others are doing for them and well, that's never been done for me so I must not be loved. Or we seek love from someone who's toxic to us and can never love us the way we so desperate need it.  And those pictures your friend just posted of her amazing weekend with all of your other friends and...you're not in it...in fact, you didn't even know they were all getting together.  Yeah, it must've been because they didn't want to be around you. It hurts. That's what you're thinking, right?

All of these are LIES.  And it's such a vicious cycle because the more we believe these lies, the more pain we unintentionally inflict on others and ourselves because we are so desperately trying to feel good enough, loved enough, wanted enough, that we start posting our pictures, telling our friends' secrets to gain that "in", and so on that we cause this cycle to start with someone else. Let's break these chains. Please.

Out of these lies come the three major truths that I want to leave with you:

1. You are loved.  You are so loved in fact that Jesus came down to earth because He didn't want heaven without you.  He was willing to die for you because He loves you that much.  And He wants nothing more than for you to return His love and to show others His love.  Love is a big deal to Him.
As Lysa says in her book, "Live from the abundant place that you are loved, and you won't find yourself begging others for scraps of love."

2. You are more than enough.  As I stood at the crib watching my beautiful girl sleep, I prayed, "Lord, she is so beautiful.  I praise You because she is fearfully and wonderfully made.  Wonderful are your works.  Oh how my soul knows it well." (Psalm 139:14)  And He whispered to my soul, "So are you."  If we don't start seeing ourselves; our bodies, our minds, and everything in between as enough and perfectly created by God, what kind of message are we sending?  There are many things about my physical appearance that I wouldn't mind changing, but why?  I challenge myself and you to live in the peace of knowing that you are beautiful and perfect the way you were made.  Measure yourself to God's standard of you.  Not Cosmo's or the latest and greatest beauty trend.  It's all so fleeting and ultimately won't leave you fulfilled.  I speak from experience.

3. You are always invited.  Jesus tells us in Matthew 11:28, "Come to me..."  I'm sure you've heard this verse before because it's a well-known verse about turning your troubles over to Christ, but don't miss the first part.  Jesus says, "Come."  That's all we have to do.
Lysa says in her book, "The more fully we invite God in, the less we will feel uninvited by others."  This is so true.  Seek Him first above all else and let His love pour over you, calm you, and reassure you.

My prayer for myself and for you is that we will be able to discern the lies from the truth.  I pray we will return to Christ over and over for fulfillment instead of seeking that from someone else.  You are loved, you are enough, and you are always invited.