It's Time for a Wardrobe Transformation

I need a wardrobe overhaul.  It's not because I'm 9 months pregnant and my selection of suitable options is quickly dwindling.  It's not because the clothes I have hanging in my closet are out of style or becoming too worn.  No, those are much more surface issues.  I need a wardrobe transformation because I have been clothing myself with pride.  It's time to take that off and clothe myself with humility.

I have been praying for some specific things and people in my life and the Lord has constantly laid the word pride before me.  Not something I wanted to hear.

Pride is a funny thing.  It rears its ugly head in the most cunning and devious of ways in my life.  It never comes out and flaunts itself as being proud or having high self esteem.  Instead, my pride manifests itself most often in the form of anxiety and insecurity or wanting someone else to feel the freedom that I have experienced since meeting Jesus, which can then cause me to be critical.

Wait, those are characteristics of pride?  Yes, they are.  They show a lack of trust and faith in the One who made me.  They show me focusing more on others than on myself and my own heart.  As I've been praying through this over the last month, the Lord has continued to place people, obstacles, sermons, and scriptures before me that reiterate the fact that this is definitely a problem I need to deal with.

This morning I listened to an excellent podcast that was divinely placed in my path, no doubt.  The title was "Pride & Humility".  Well, that caught my attention.  It's not like I hadn't been praying for that specific thing for the last month.

The Pastor began by asking these questions:

Are you anxious?

Are you critical of others?

Are you defensive when someone points out something wrong?

Do you constantly seek others' approval?

Are you insecure?

Do you take advantage of God's grace?

Do you feel shame or think your sin or brokenness is bigger than God's grace?

Do you believe that you're worthless or unforgivable?

Does a particular sin define you more than God's claims on your life?

(Questions taken directly from The Porch Podcast on Pride and Humility)

I answered yes to more of those questions than I'd like to admit.  Maybe you did too. 

Every single one of those questions points to PRIDE.

Here's what the Lord laid on my heart to share with you as He brought me peace and revelation about this topic that has been plagued me:

1. Pride (and all that goes with it) is the devil's playground.  

Again, for me, pride certainly manifests itself as anxiety.  Anxiety is something I've struggled with my whole life, or at least as long as I can remember.  My panic attacks started when I was thirteen and I found myself frozen in fear, heart racing, hands tingling, unable to swallow or breathe. I have learned to cope with it through the years, especially since coming to know Jesus, but it doesn't go away.  It's a daily battle.  And I had never seen it as a pride issue. 

It's pride because it is the doubt of God or not believing what He says to be true; not believing that He really will provide, protect, heal, defend, etc.  Satan knows this and he feasts on where I doubt God.  As long as I keep feeding him with my worries, doubts, fears, and problems by talking about it with other people or letting it distract me from how I'm called to act as a Christ follower, the vicious cycle continues because the appetite increases.

I remember when we were struggling with infertility all I saw were pregnant women.  They were EVERYWHERE.  They were in the grocery store, on the billboards I passed daily, on my Facebook newsfeed, in my Sunday school class.  And instead of praying against it, I fed it.  I continued to check for pregnancy announcements, I looked for the pregnant ladies in the store, I even dreamed of maternity clothes and how I would put together outfits.  All this did was increase my doubts and fears.  I learned Google was not always my friend and sometimes you just need to shut the social media down.  Maybe you can relate to this because you're in the same boat, or you're single and long to find your person, or you don't think you'll ever make enough money, or you don't think you'll ever accomplish your goals.  Or-or-or-Fill in the blank.  We all have vices.  But when I stopped feeding into those vices, they began to disappear.  And when they'd try to resurface, I could shut them down a lot faster.

2.  Recovery starts with humility.

We have to get to the end of ourselves.  A.W. Tozer said, "The reason why so many are still troubled, still seeking, still making little forward progress is because they haven't yet come to the end of themselves.  We're still trying to give orders, and interfering with God's work within us."

We have to get to the point of realizing we need help.  Ask for it.  God helps the humble.  His Word tells us over and over again that He loves a humble heart, He will exalt the humble.  Start doing all the things you say you are going to do.  Feed on sermons, educate yourself on God's Word, talk to Him.  He will meet you there in your humility and the recovery will begin.

You see, pride and humility are polar opposites.  One cannot exist where the other one is.  I want to rid my life of the pride that steals my joy and makes me focus on the negative.  I want to be humble in my heart and spirit.  The only way I can do this is through Jesus. Humility is a beautiful thing and if we're honest, we all love a humble person.

The self awareness that is now right in front of me is definitely humbling and I pray some part of this post will resonate with you too.  It's not easy to admit our downfalls, but thank God it's not my defeat.  The Lord will lift me back up from where I've fallen.  And I will choose to wear the garments of humility.

Long Suffering

I'm sure this title jumped right off the page at you and you just couldn't wait to read such an encouraging post, right?  You might be in for a surprise.  Today I was reminded how beautiful long suffering can truly be.  I needed this encouragement and I pray maybe it will fill you with the same hope it did for me.

Long suffering means to show abundant patience in spite of troubles.  Other familiar words we use instead of long suffering are patient, tolerant, forbearing, perseverance, but to me, long suffering gets the point across in a much more descriptive way.  Don't you think?

The past two months have been rough for a number of reasons.  I am sleep deprived, I've suffered the loss of my grandpa, we're working through temper tantrums, I am trying not to lose heart and patience with certain people, I am working on getting over having my feelings hurt, blah blah blah.  Cry me a river, right?  But I'm sure you can relate.  I don't mean to be Negative Nancy, but let's be real...sometimes things are just tough.

Today my darling daughter was refusing her nap (which has been a common theme these last couple of months thanks to sleep regression, moving rooms, sickness, and now no more pacifier), and I was about to snap.  She was beyond exhausted and so was I. I had been trying to get my usually perfect sleeper to nap for an hour and a half.  We had things to do today and this nap NEEDED to happen.  She was in her room whining, jumping in her bed, evicting her stuffed animals one by one in a desperate attempt for me to return to her room once more and place them back in her bed, and I could feel my blood pressure rising.  I've been trying to be very intentional and look for God in the daily chores of everyday life, so as I started making my bed, I began praying and having a really honest conversation with Him.  It went a little something like this:

Lord, I am TRYING to find You in the mundane and everyday and make this time holy, but I'll be honest...I'm having a REALLY difficult time.  How are You in this?!  I can't focus over the whining, I don't know what else to do - we've read numerous books, we've rocked, we've sang songs, I've tried ignoring her, nothing is working.  What the heck is her deal?  Why can't she lay down and go to sleep?  That is what's best for her.  I know that and you know that so why can't You help me out here?!

Have you ever had a conversation like that with God?  If you haven't, I encourage you to do it because He already knows your thoughts.  Be honest and be real with Him.  He'll always do the same for you.

When I was finished talking and ready to listen, there in the midst of my pity party the word long suffering came to me.  Humm...I hadn't expected that.  It took me by surprise when God spoke right to my core and reminded me about the beauty of His long suffering for me.  

 

How often had I pitched a little fit, cried, whined, all to get my way.  And He sat there patiently loving me while I carried on like a little toddler.  He didn't get angry and raise His voice.  But He also didn't come swoop me up and save the day immediately.  You know why?  He ultimately knew what was best for me...just like I did with my daughter this morning.  I knew she needed rest; that's why I continued to hope that she would settle down and fall asleep.

But God's long suffering for me has much more depth to it than a missed morning nap.  His long suffering for me and for you is life saving.  His Word in 2 Peter 3:9 says, "The Lord is not slow about His promise, as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing for any to perish but for all to come to repentance."  His long suffering gives us eternal life, if we choose it.  From this, I want to lift out several truths that were laid on my heart during my little moment of revelation:

1.  God is in the everyday and the mundane.  He cares about us right where we are.  And He wants to meet us there.  He was there with me this morning while I was making my bed and doing my own fussing and whining.  He was there all of those years when I continued to run from him and try to ignore the tug in my heart to turn to Him.  He was there when I thought my world was falling apart.  He was there when I went on that first date with my husband.  He was there during my agonizing years of infertility.  He was there in my daughter's first cry.  He was and He is always there.  He loves you and me so much; more than we can comprehend.

2.  Prayer is powerful.  I know we hear that and we often times even say it, but do we believe it?  As Shaun Pillay, our Minister of Evangelism & Discipleship, said yesterday morning, "Prayer engages the Lord of the universe!  It does not equip us for the greater work, it IS the greater work."  Now I am far-far-far from righteous, only by Christ alone, but this was actually a moment when I was engaging the Lord in prayer instead of calling my mom or husband to complain.  And you know what?  He answered!  Had I not been praying in that moment of frustration, I would not have heard His voice and felt this message in my heart.  This is such an encouragement to me because often times I fall short.  I feel like God gives us these moments to reaffirm His truths and encourage us along this journey of life.  

3.  I should count it a privilege to experience long suffering towards someone.  You can re-read that if you need to.  Do you know how hard that is to actually live?  I am willing to bet that you do.  I don't often see it as a privilege because most often I want to whip whoever is putting me through troubles into shape.  And this very concept is actually something I've been praying about for a long time now.  The Lord has continued to show me time and time again that the only person I can change is myself.  And the only way some people see Him is through me.  Every irritating, seemingly annoying person placed along my path is an opportunity for me to grow in some aspect and to do what Christ did and love them through it.  Like I said, this is not easy.  And I often fail, but I am thankful for this reminder and I pray I will continue to come back to this moment and gain strength to push forward when I'm feeling defeated.

 

Maybe you needed this reminder as much as I did today.  The Lord is good to hear us when we call for Him.  We just have to be sure we're ready to listen.  Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.  Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything (James 1:2-4).