It's Time for a Wardrobe Transformation

I need a wardrobe overhaul.  It's not because I'm 9 months pregnant and my selection of suitable options is quickly dwindling.  It's not because the clothes I have hanging in my closet are out of style or becoming too worn.  No, those are much more surface issues.  I need a wardrobe transformation because I have been clothing myself with pride.  It's time to take that off and clothe myself with humility.

I have been praying for some specific things and people in my life and the Lord has constantly laid the word pride before me.  Not something I wanted to hear.

Pride is a funny thing.  It rears its ugly head in the most cunning and devious of ways in my life.  It never comes out and flaunts itself as being proud or having high self esteem.  Instead, my pride manifests itself most often in the form of anxiety and insecurity or wanting someone else to feel the freedom that I have experienced since meeting Jesus, which can then cause me to be critical.

Wait, those are characteristics of pride?  Yes, they are.  They show a lack of trust and faith in the One who made me.  They show me focusing more on others than on myself and my own heart.  As I've been praying through this over the last month, the Lord has continued to place people, obstacles, sermons, and scriptures before me that reiterate the fact that this is definitely a problem I need to deal with.

This morning I listened to an excellent podcast that was divinely placed in my path, no doubt.  The title was "Pride & Humility".  Well, that caught my attention.  It's not like I hadn't been praying for that specific thing for the last month.

The Pastor began by asking these questions:

Are you anxious?

Are you critical of others?

Are you defensive when someone points out something wrong?

Do you constantly seek others' approval?

Are you insecure?

Do you take advantage of God's grace?

Do you feel shame or think your sin or brokenness is bigger than God's grace?

Do you believe that you're worthless or unforgivable?

Does a particular sin define you more than God's claims on your life?

(Questions taken directly from The Porch Podcast on Pride and Humility)

I answered yes to more of those questions than I'd like to admit.  Maybe you did too. 

Every single one of those questions points to PRIDE.

Here's what the Lord laid on my heart to share with you as He brought me peace and revelation about this topic that has been plagued me:

1. Pride (and all that goes with it) is the devil's playground.  

Again, for me, pride certainly manifests itself as anxiety.  Anxiety is something I've struggled with my whole life, or at least as long as I can remember.  My panic attacks started when I was thirteen and I found myself frozen in fear, heart racing, hands tingling, unable to swallow or breathe. I have learned to cope with it through the years, especially since coming to know Jesus, but it doesn't go away.  It's a daily battle.  And I had never seen it as a pride issue. 

It's pride because it is the doubt of God or not believing what He says to be true; not believing that He really will provide, protect, heal, defend, etc.  Satan knows this and he feasts on where I doubt God.  As long as I keep feeding him with my worries, doubts, fears, and problems by talking about it with other people or letting it distract me from how I'm called to act as a Christ follower, the vicious cycle continues because the appetite increases.

I remember when we were struggling with infertility all I saw were pregnant women.  They were EVERYWHERE.  They were in the grocery store, on the billboards I passed daily, on my Facebook newsfeed, in my Sunday school class.  And instead of praying against it, I fed it.  I continued to check for pregnancy announcements, I looked for the pregnant ladies in the store, I even dreamed of maternity clothes and how I would put together outfits.  All this did was increase my doubts and fears.  I learned Google was not always my friend and sometimes you just need to shut the social media down.  Maybe you can relate to this because you're in the same boat, or you're single and long to find your person, or you don't think you'll ever make enough money, or you don't think you'll ever accomplish your goals.  Or-or-or-Fill in the blank.  We all have vices.  But when I stopped feeding into those vices, they began to disappear.  And when they'd try to resurface, I could shut them down a lot faster.

2.  Recovery starts with humility.

We have to get to the end of ourselves.  A.W. Tozer said, "The reason why so many are still troubled, still seeking, still making little forward progress is because they haven't yet come to the end of themselves.  We're still trying to give orders, and interfering with God's work within us."

We have to get to the point of realizing we need help.  Ask for it.  God helps the humble.  His Word tells us over and over again that He loves a humble heart, He will exalt the humble.  Start doing all the things you say you are going to do.  Feed on sermons, educate yourself on God's Word, talk to Him.  He will meet you there in your humility and the recovery will begin.

You see, pride and humility are polar opposites.  One cannot exist where the other one is.  I want to rid my life of the pride that steals my joy and makes me focus on the negative.  I want to be humble in my heart and spirit.  The only way I can do this is through Jesus. Humility is a beautiful thing and if we're honest, we all love a humble person.

The self awareness that is now right in front of me is definitely humbling and I pray some part of this post will resonate with you too.  It's not easy to admit our downfalls, but thank God it's not my defeat.  The Lord will lift me back up from where I've fallen.  And I will choose to wear the garments of humility.