Quiet Time

The past seven years or so I have rocked establishing a quiet time.  It was simple because my schedule was the same everyday and I could always plan for and carve out time to spend with my Lord.  And He always showed up.  No matter how little or how long I prayed, studied, etc, He always revealed truth to me and taught me His word.

Now that I've been delivered from my infertility and have my sweet little precious goo to care for each day, establishing a quiet time again has been difficult.  Once we get a "schedule", it quickly changes.  Can I get an amen, moms of young kids?!  And don't for one second get me wrong.  She is the answer to years of prayers and I would never trade her.  I've just had to make adjustments and finding quiet time has been one of those.

But this week I had a little revelation.  Quiet time doesn't have to be quiet.  Especially for this season of my life.  Hear me out on this.

I had in my mind that quiet time had to be completely silent in my house with no distractions - No TV, no cell phones, computer off.  A hot cup of coffee with my bible, prayer journal, and any study materials were supposed to be spread out neatly on my kitchen table as I took a sip of steaming hot coffee with the perfect proportion of creamer and dove in to God's word.  Is this ideal?  Sure!  Is it realistic for my life right now?  Absolutely not.

It is a lie.  And it was a lie I completely believed and fell for for many months.

This is what my quiet time looks like these days.

Quiet time doesn't have to be quiet in the sense that all noise has to be removed.  Quiet time is a time to quiet my soul and spirit before the Lord.  It's a time where I open His word and pray for His Holy Spirit to teach me.  It's a time where I give thanks for the wonderful gifts all around me.  It's a time where I be still and know that He is God (Psalm 46:10).  He doesn't care how I come to Him, just that I come.  He will take care of the rest.

In James 4:8a, His word says, "Come near to God and He will come near to you."  That's what you have to do.  Take that step and walk toward Him.  You don't have to have it all together.  God doesn't care about that.  In fact, He tells us to come to Him, all of us who are weak and heavy burdened and He will give us rest (Matthew 11:28).

Matthew 6:33 says, "But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well."  This is encouraging to me because all God asks me to do is seek Him.  I don't have to have myself put together, hot cup of coffee brewed, house neat and quiet.  That's just not my reality right now.  And frankly those are distractions, those flaming arrows, that are shot at me to take my eyes off of what I should be focusing on.

Be encouraged today.  You are enough.  Believe it and rest in His peace and presence.  Simply come, quiet your soul, and open His word.  He will take care of the rest.

Lukewarm

My heart has been so burdened lately by the thought of being a lukewarm Christ follower.  Just for fun, let's take a look at Google's definition of lukewarm:

luke·warm

ˈlo͞okwôrm/

adjective

adjective: lukewarm

1. (of liquid or food that should be hot) only moderately warm; tepid.

2. (of a person, attitude, or action) unenthusiastic.

I don't know about you, but when I read that, I can conclude that lukewarm is not a very pleasant thing.  No one likes their coffee lukewarm.  Starbucks sells it hot or cold.  No one likes a lukewarm bath - Unless you have a fever....and then that's just a miserable experience all around.  Trust me, we experienced that last week with Emmy during a nasty sickness.

But the words that really grip me in the definition above are "unenthusiastic, tepid".  Yikes.  Do I want those words to describe me in any aspect of my life?  Absolutely not.

Jesus has a strong word for people who are lukewarm for Him.  In Revelation 3:16 He says, "So because you are lukewarm, and neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of My mouth."

I recently saw another quote that read, "The single greatest cause of Atheism today is Christians, who acknowledge Jesus with their lips and deny Him by their lifestyle."

The single greatest cause.  Let that soak in awhile.

With the explosion on social media of everyone's thoughts and opinions on every topic under the sun, my spirit can easily get sucked in.  And not just that.  Friends and family can have influence over my life too and it's not always positive.  Gossip and rumors seep in to conversations, discontention arises, so on and so forth.  And while I always try to rise above, I confess that sometimes I really struggle. If we're honest, all of us do.  If you don't think so, you may want to ask God to examine your heart.

I write all of this to say that I've been heavily burdened by this lately and I recently had a breakthrough.  In reading 2 Corinthians 6:17a, the apostle Paul writes, ""Therefore, come out from their midst and be separate," says the Lord."  What a healing word this was to my soul.  I do not have to conform to what anyone thinks I should conform to.  God says I am to be separate and He will welcome me (v.17b).  He calls me His daughter and He tells me that He will cleanse me from every burden I carry if I will only come to Him and talk to Him about it (2 Cor 7:1, 1 John 1:9).  What a loving Father.  He always knows just how to light my fire.

 

My soul feels refreshed.  He always provides light and a way.  He reminds me that it's good to be different because that's who He called me to be.  I don't need to worry about acceptance because I am acceptable to Him.  Maybe you needed this word too.  Maybe you feel rejected or burdened because you sometimes don't know where you fit in or are welcome.  And maybe it's all made you feel a little lukewarm.  Good news!  God always has His arms open to us, ready to welcome and receive us no matter how far we've strayed or what we've done.  And it's a warm, rich embrace.  Amen and amen.

Sweet Sufferings

I have so many posts that have been in my head (and I've been HORRIBLE about posting), but this is one that keeps pressing me with urgency.  Maybe it's because of all the heartache all around me.  Whether it be breakups, loneliness, divorce, miscarriage, infertility, death, any kind of heartache - I want to encourage you that you are not alone and you are loved.  You are loved more than you can imagine.  I was gifted with a glimpse of this love and my mind can't comprehend it.

If you belong to Jesus, your suffering is never in vain.  He showed me that through my years of infertility struggles.  Our suffering will never be greater than God's comfort.  He is the Father of compassion. 

Rest assured, your pain is for a purpose.  According to 2 Corinthians 1:3-4, "...the Father of mercies and God of all comfort who comforts us in all our affliction so that we will be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God."  This means suffering connects us to other people in a way no other experience can.  No one gets it quite like someone who has been there.  The purpose for your pain may be that you are supposed to walk through it in order to help someone else who will be going through it later. 

Suffering also creates in us a patient endurance that might not have been there prior.  In fact, I'm 99.9% sure that it wasn't.  Patience is born out of waiting.  And sometimes that waiting is painful.  I love Romans 5:3-5 where Paul says, "And not only this, but we exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance; and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope; and hope does not disappoint because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us."

Tribulations -> Perseverance -> Proven Character -> Hope -> God's Love

You like my little illustration there?  The end result in God's love.  He loves you through it all, but I don't think you can clearly see it when you're in the depths of it.  Hold tight,  When you make it to the other side...ahh, what a glorious view!  He loves us SO MUCH.  He loves us so much, in fact, that He often times saves us from what we think we want because He has something better.  

Nothing teaches you obedience quite like waiting.  Isn't that how we train our puppies?  Sit. Stay. Good boy!  Not that God speaks to us like that, by any means.  It's just an illustration of how obeying yields rewards.  I feel like God's talking to us is more like, "Be still.  Calm down.  Don't fight me.  I've got this.  If you would just be quiet, I will fight this for you.  I love you and I'm going to do what's best for you." in the calmest, most assuring, loving voice you've ever heard.  I know I've spoken those words to my precious Emmeline as she's battled me during nap time.  She's flailed and screamed and I knew what was best for her as I tried to gently soothe her and rock her to sleep.  But she could be relentless!  Isn't that just how we are?  Exodus 14:14 and Psalm 46:10 truly came alive to me in the person of my little bity baby.  And I could see clearly how I learned to stop, be still, wait, and listen as I waiting during my trial.

Sufferings can bring us to the end of ourselves.  But it's not THE end...because there's Jesus, arms open wide.  He's waiting this whole time.  Suffering can shift our reliance from being on ourselves to relying on God.  What a sweet release that is when you finally surrender.  Again, I love Paul's words in 2 Corinthians 12:9 where he says, ""My grace (Jesus' grace) is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness." Most gladly therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me.  Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ's sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong."  Powerful.  Weakness is actually a gift from God.  It's His way of reminding us that we don't have to do this alone.  He's got this.  He loves us, listens to us, and will work everything together for the good of those who believe in Him. (Romans 8:28)

 

Let your heart be encouraged.  You are never alone.  You are loved more than you can imagine and every little thing is going to be okay.

Fast Fixins - Shrimp Stir Fry

Happy Sunday!  I hope y'all are enjoying this last day of the weekend.  By this point, the Sunday blues are probably setting in as you get ready for Monday morning.  I know that's especially true for my teacher friends who are heading back to work tomorrow.  This summer FLEW by!  I am praying over all of you and the sweet kiddos that will soon walk through your doors.  I know the Lord has placed them all in your care for a reason.

We had a great morning at church.  We had bagels with the seniors that we teach as we enjoyed our last Sunday school class together before they head off to college, then we heard a good word from Dr. Ben McCarty.  He preached on God's mercy in the middle of our mess.  It was a humbling sermon and a reminder that we all have messes in our lives - some of us bare our messes for the world to see and others have internal messes that we try to mask and hide. If I'm being totally transparent, the latter would be me.  I don't mean to do this.  It's more of a "I don't want people to think I'm a negative person" issue.  I definitely don't have it all together.  Some days it feels like it's hanging by a thread.  BUT The Lord sees, hears, and opens the way for us. He wants us to come to Him so that He can help us deal with our messes.  Praise Jesus!  I need all the help I can get!

With a busy week looming over us, I thought I'd share my first "Fast Fixin" (here in the South, fixing has numerous meanings).

This recipe is so delicious, healthy, and QUICK!  From start to finish it takes about 20 minutes.  Here's what you'll need:

Shrimp Stir Fry (feeds 2-3 people)

(adapted from The Pioneer Woman)

Ingredients:
-1 to 2 lb shrimp frozen or fresh (I buy mine peeled and deveined then quickly remove the tails.  If you buy frozen, make sure you allow about 5 minutes for them to thaw)
-3 fresh zucchini, cut into wedges
-2 cups grape tomatoes, chopped
-1 cup corn (fresh, frozen, or canned - just drain canned)
-2 cloves garlic
-1 Tbsp olive oil
-fresh basil
-salt & pepper to taste
**Disclaimer: I honestly don't measure when I cook.  So, these are my estimates based on what I used.  Feel free to use more or less!

Directions:
Mince and saute garlic in olive oil over medium heat in a large sauce pan.  Add shrimp and cook until opaque.  It's usually about 5 minutes.  Remove shrimp and set aside.  Add a bit more olive oil to the pan and saute your zucchini and corn over med/high heat for about 5 minutes and then add in tomatoes, stirring to combine for about 2-3 minutes.  Add the shrimp back to the sauteed veggies and season with basil, salt, and pepper.

 

This is seriously so easy.  And so healthy.  Shrimp is an excellent source of lean protein and you're getting a good mixture of complex carbohydrates from the vegetables.  I serve this just as it is.  If you want, you can always serve it over rice, but it's honestly not needed.  I hope you enjoy!

I'm Baaaaack!

Y'all...it's been quite awhile!  I think my last post was December of 2013.

So much life has happened!

I got a chuckle reading my "About Me" section.  "I'm a twenty something year old..." Ha!  Not anymore!  I need to make some updates.  That one made me laugh, but then the "Featured On" made me sad.  I can't bring myself to take that off.  I miss reading my sweet blogging friend, Leslie's posts.  She went to be with Jesus a year ago.

Where do I even begin?  I will have to go back and blog all about our infertility struggles and ultimately success because J and I are now proud parents to our precious miracle girl!

 Newborn photo courtesy of Patsy Brown

Those big blue eyes melt our hearts.  She brings so much JOY to our lives and she's a constant reminder of God's goodness.  He hears our prayers!  I could never thank Him enough, but I will always try.

So, since I'm a new momma, time is of the essence...meaning, I don't have a whole lot of it.  I'm going to try to blog a couple of times a week.  I thought about bringing back Meal Plan Monday to help motivate folks to try new foods and meal plan too.  I will also try to do a weekly recipe post that I'm going to call "Fast Fixins".  It'll be a healthy recipe that takes 30 minutes or less.  Sound good?  Of course I'll have to post about our precious Emmy girl as well!  I'm excited to start back to blogging.  Here's to my 30s and the adventures life holds!

2013: My Ugly Beautiful Year

It's eerily quiet in my house.  Our company left this morning and I have been feeling melancholy over them leaving.  I just cherish our visits so much and I am so thankful to have married into such a wonderful family.  I've been sitting here catching up on my thankful journal and felt the need to write to reflect on 2013.  This year wasn't at all what I expected, but it sure was "ugly beautiful".

I'm reading "One Thousand Gifts" by Ann Voskamp.  I've been reading this so slowly because I really just don't want to finish it.  

It is so beautifully and eloquently written.  It breaks me down and builds me up again in such a gracious way.  If you haven't read it, I highly suggest it.  She keeps a thankful journal and was dared to write down 1,000 things she was thankful for.  That's what inspired me for my thankful journal.  I have a ways to go as I'm only on 126.  The part of the book I'm reading right now is all about what she calls "ugly beautiful".  It's those hard times in a day, week, month, whatever season of life, where nothing goes as planned and you feel sadness, anxiety, anger, disappointment, etc.  But practicing the art of thanksgiving means giving thanks in ALL circumstances, regardless of your current situation.  I've been practicing thanksgiving during ugly beautiful.  At first, it was really hard, but as soon as I'd do it, my mood would automatically change and I'd often find myself laughing at the situation.  This year was an interesting year and I plan to recap month by month.

January

Ringing in the new year at home

Our 1st breakfast of 2013. :)

 February

My grandpa turned 91

 March

Some of our best friends got married.

My Aunt Margaret's 65th birthday.  Sadly, it was her last Earthly birthday.

I played in a kickball tournament for our school.  We won 1st in our division.  Who knew I was actually good at kickball?!

 April

We celebrated Easter.  It was one of the most spiritual Easters I've ever experienced.

We had a shower at my house for our friend, Rilee.

Paisley became a new family member!

 May

Mother's Day with my beautiful, strong momma.

School year came to an end.  I had such a special, wonderful group of students and parents who I will cherish forever.  They became my family.

 June

Father's Day with my amazing, kind daddy.

The beach was so beautiful the whole month of June.

July

I celebrated my 27th birthday surrounded by A LOT of family.

My Tink (my niece) turned 4!  This same day, my sweet Aunt Margaret met Jesus.

August

My Meemaw turned 75!

Leo left us :(

We buried my Aunt Margaret.  We could smile because we knew she was finally at peace and no longer suffering.

I started back to what would be my most trying year of teaching.

September

We began our anniversary vacation get away in Seaside.  We had quiet, peaceful mornings on our patio reading our Bibles and enjoying God's awesome creation.

My best friend.

Spending all day on the beach without a care.

October

Mom's surprise 60th birthday party.  So thankful for the years in her life!

 November

Daddy's 80th birthday celebration.  So thankful for his life!

Thanksgiving with this handsome dude.

I finished reading the whole Bible in less than a year...cover to cover in chronological order. What a blessing it was to me.

 December

Ready for Christmas!

My daddy and I teaching a lesson together on rocks and minerals in my class.

Our dear friend Timothy's going away party.  We were so blessed to get to know him!

  

As I think back on all this year brought and didn't bring, I am overwhelmed with emotions.  God's grace was so evident in each moment and I cherish the time I got to spend with Him as He grew me.  I have been so humbled through each experience and just pray He continues to get glory through my life.  It is well with my soul.

Boast in my Weakness

This is a post that truthfully, I rather not be typing.  I have put it off for months and months, thinking that one day I'd post good, exciting news about a growing family and be able to leave this part of my life behind.  But as fate would have it, that's not how this has played out and frankly, God won't let me run from it anymore.  His prompting for me to write and share is far too strong to ignore.  And something crazy just happened that made me realize I better start.

This all started back in March of 2012 when Jared and I decided we wanted to start a family.  Three weeks later we found out I was pregnant.  9 1/2-10 weeks into the pregnancy, we lost the baby.  If you haven't read that story, you can find it by clicking here.  Honestly, since May 10, 2012, my life has drastically changed.  Never did I think I would have the emotions and feelings that I've had and never did I imagine that my relationship with the Lord could grow SO much.

After the miscarriage in May, I had problems with my hcg levels returning to normal.  That's a whole other story in itself, but in August we were cleared to start trying again.  August, September, October, November, December all passed with big fat negatives.  Now January, February, March, April, May, June, July, August, September, October, November have all passed with the same fate.  I've had numerous tests and procedures run, all coming back perfectly clear and normal.  That in itself is a praise.  A frustrating one, but a praise none the less.  Jared's testing came back perfectly normal as well.  Our doctor told us that he didn't know what was wrong, scientifically it didn't make sense, and referred us to a fertility doctor.  We haven't been yet.  I don't really know what to do, other than pray about moving forward.

We've been patiently and sometimes not so patiently waiting with each passing month to see if the desire of our hearts will be filled, but that's when it started to click that maybe my desire is all wrong.  Psalm 37:4 says, "Delight yourself in the Lord; And He will give you the desires of your heart."  Yes, He wants to give me the desires of my heart, but it comes from a place of delighting in Him simply because He's Lord and He's good.  He is so good.  He has so much mercy on me and covers me in grace.  He's revealed time and time again why the timing wasn't right with the first baby.  But still, my selfish arms long to hold my baby.

I'm writing this as a piece of my continuously growing testimony.  My heart HAS changed in the last 6 months or so and instead of praying FOR a baby, I find myself praying for God to use me in whichever way He wants.  Help me be okay with who I am and what He's given me.  Help me give Him glory through every tear cried.  Don't let my pain and longing for a child consume me and shape me into someone I'm not.  Make me a parent in the way that gives You the most glory.  Mold me into the woman You want me to be; one that rejoices in the calm and the storm.

2 Corinthians 12:9-10 has been on my heart so much lately.  It reads, "And He has said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness"  Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me.  Therefore, I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ's sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong."

What a powerful scripture.  And like I said, it's REALLY been on my heart for about 2-3 weeks now.  I mean heavily on my heart.  Today I came home, got the mail like always, and we had a letter from a man my husband is good friends with.  He had handwritten us a letter to let us know the Spirit had placed us on his heart and he was praying for us continually through all of our fertility struggles.  In it, he gave us each scriptures to meditate on that he felt like God was leading him to give us.  Want to guess what the first one was?  Yep, 2 Corinthians 12:9-10.  That's when I knew I had to write this.

I have to boast in my weaknesses so God can get Glory!  Isn't that amazing?  This same man, having no idea I was about to have an HSG procedure done in October, literally texted Jared the moment we walked into the hospital just to tell him that we were heavy on his heart and he was praying over us at that very moment.  Goosebumps.  Incredible, divine presence and intervention.

Our close family and friends know much of this and have been amazing through everything.  They've prayed over us, sent us notes of encouragement, and told us how our joy, regardless of our situation, has encouraged them.  That is all so wonderful and we are truly grateful.  I don't know what we would've done without them.  But now God has told me that my close friends and family aren't the only ones who need to know.  I need to proclaim His goodness and promises in total faith to the world.  When I am weak, He is strong in me.

If there are any of you out there reading my blog who are going through the same struggles I am right now, please know I am praying for you and please message me if you ever need someone to talk to.  I feel like a weight has been lifted from my back in sharing my struggles and weaknesses with you.  I know that no matter what, God's plan is way better than mine.  I believe it and I trust it.  We always tend to cling to Psalm 37:4, but 5 is what really gets me..."Commit your way to the Lord, Trust also in Him, and He will do it."  God has a reason for allowing things to happen.  We may never understand His wisdom, but we simply have to trust His will.  Sometimes God doesn't change our situations because He's trying to change our hearts.

We all have struggles and difficulties.  Let's pray for one another and encourage each other to boast in our weakness.  For when we are weak, HE is strong.