Sunday, July 8, 2012

Thank You & Life

I thought I'd have so much more time to keep up with this during the summer, but life's been a little busy around these parts.  Between doctor's appointments, Jared's crazy work schedule, Bible studies, VBS, and just the daily up keep, I've let this slip again. 

Before I do any catching up, I just want to take a moment to thank all of you who reached out to us and prayed for us during and after the miscarriage.  You are all so, so wonderful and your comments, messages, phone calls, and texts have meant the world to me.  It is so amazing to have friends who remember exactly when your appointments are and shoot you a text minutes before you walk in the doctor's office to tell you they're praying for you and they love you.  I have never felt so loved as I have during these trying times.  Each of you who share your miscarriage stories with me...thank you.  From the bottom of my heart.  I find so much hope in your stories.  No one gets it quite like someone who's been there, although I definitely appreciate ALL of the love and support.  If you've experienced this, my prayers are with you. 

The word miscarriage is just a simple little word, but it can be so disheartening and gut wrenching when you're experiencing it...and it's not a quick process for all.  I'm STILL going through the after effects.  It's been two months since I first learned I was having a miscarriage.  For those of you who don't know about all of the saga, I want to make people aware of the struggle that comes along with this kind of thing. I think my experience needs to be shared so people can either empathize with someone or feel like that can talk openly about their own experience.  I know I found a lot of comfort in other people's stories.

I've had to have bloodwork done on a weekly basis since my D&C.  The doctors were concerned because my hcg levels weren't coming down as fast as they'd like them to.  There was a mention of a molar pregnancy.  If you don't know what that is, you can find out here.  I cannot describe the feeling of terror and helplessness when you hear the words "cancer" spoken to you.  THAT gave me a new perspective for all of those struggling with that terrible disease.  But, praise be to God, that was ruled out.  After more rounds of bloodwork and an ultrasound, it was determined that there appeared to be something left behind from my 1st surgery.  Talks of a second surgery were mentioned.  I didn't know how in the world I was going to get through that.  One was ENOUGH.  The 2nd surgery option was later ruled out and then I was told I would likely be undergoing a round of chemotherapy (with methotrexate).  That was just last week.  It felt like it was never ending and I know I was getting close to my breaking point.  In the midst of it all, one day week before last, as I was pulling out of my doctor's office, I was crying and I was angry and talking to God about how mad I was.  All of a sudden, I heard the word "patience".  I don't really know where I heard it-in my ears, heart, or head, but it was SO loud and pressing.  There was absolutely no ignoring it.  I told God that I got it, loud and clear.  From that moment on, I haven't felt anxious about anything.  I'm at peace with my waiting game.

Now my levels are almost zero, so my new doctor says I don't need to do either of these things.  It just continues to be a waiting game.  But I'm okay with that!  Praise the Lord, Praise the Lord!  God has been so faithful to us through it all.  He's given me strength when I literally didn't think I could pick myself up.  He's given my husband the right words to say to me.  He's placed the right people in my life to lift me up and help me carry on.  I also started reading this book at the recommendation of someone dear to my heart (who also shared her miscarriage story with me).  It has been a God send and I'd encourage anyone who's going through infertility, miscarriage, or stillbirth loss to read this.

Hannah's Hope by Jennifer Saake

Again, thank you for everything if you've loved on us and prayed for us.  We appreciate it more than you could ever know. 

Now, to play catch up...I'm so thankful I've been able to spend more time with my little niece.  She is the funniest kid.  The things that come out of her mouth crack me up.  She's just so sweet and perfect.  Here are some pictures from our dates.  :)

Eating some frozen yogurt at my favorite place.  She loved the "pink" yogurt.
Excited about playing hide and seek.
Wearing our Mississippi gear!
Worn out after playing.  Isn't this the sweetest thing?  It makes my heart happy.

We had a great 4th of July celebrating with some wonderful friends on their boat.  We had to outrun a rainstorm, but we had such a good time with them.  We watched the fireworks over Pensacola bay from the boat.  It was so beautiful.  Thanks for having us!

We're working on getting some new furniture pieces for our home.  I can't wait!  Last night, we found this little treasure hidden in my parents' garage.  They didn't have a use for it, so we snagged it, cleaned it up and it's now in our entry way.  It fit perfectly.  It's an antique Singer sewing machine.  No telling how old it is, but we thought it was so neat and different.  We haven't decided if we want to sand it and refinish it or leave it the way it is.

 You open the top, and here's what's inside...

Our little family is just trucking along.  We are so blessed.

I'll try to be better about this blog.  I've made some pretty good recipes lately that I'd love to share, but that will be for another day.  Hope y'all have enjoyed your weekend!


Vanesa K said...

I wrote one comment...and it went away. Grrr. I will say this more quickly this time and with less words.

God has placed you in my path for a specific reason. I have so many things in common with what you've experienced. I blogged about them as well. You see...I have been pregnant 7 times and have 4 living children. My second miscarriage was a molar pregnancy. I held him in my hand at 16 weeks. Isiah Ethan...December 20th 2001.

Each of my posts about my story are called "My Journey Through Seven Pregnancies-Part(1-7)". My favorite post though is called "My Journey Revealed". I really feel as though it would help you heal. Write one of your own. I'd LOVE LOVE LOVE to read it..but it is not neccessary.

I don't know you Carrie..but I will pray for you. I have been where you are...and it does not change that God will be faithful to YOUR end. When the reality of Romans 8:28 is revealed to you...this will all make sense. You child will not be forgotten...but it will no longer be through tears that you see them.

You will carry a child to full term. You will have a beautiful healthy baby. You will be a mother...and a wonderful one. Believe and I will believe with you. God is faithful! Trust His heart. He is writing your testimony right now...and you will be a better mother because of what you become the victor over. =)

((hugs)) I'd love to write a prayer for your journey if you are willing!! It's my thing.

Carrie Louise said...

Vanesa, thank you SO much for your loving and encouraging words. I can't even describe how much they blessed me! This came at the perfect due date was December 14th so this week will be difficult I know, but your comment and prayers have really blessed my soul. I shared your words with my husband as well and we just cried. Thank you, again.

I've been repeating, "I believe" over and over and our sermon this morning was on faith. Our Pastor started it off by saying "I believe". I just had to lay it all on the alter because if that wasn't the Holy Spirit talking to me, I don't know what it was, ha! It definitely was divine intervention. So, thank you sweet blog friend!